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Financial Predation
"The Financial Predation division specializes in transforming bright-eyed young people into lifelong debt serfs. We've pioneered predatory lending practices that would make any loan shark blush. Our compound interest model ensures that minimum payments barely cover interest, keeping borrowers TIED to us for decades. Bankruptcy? We'll find you."
Proud Accomplishments
- â–¸Engineered student loans with no bankruptcy protections, trapping borrowers for life
- â–¸Created 'financial products' that target the elderly with reverse mortgage traps
- ▸Pioneered payday loans with 400% APR—because desperation has a price
- â–¸Designed credit card algorithms that keep minimum payments barely covering interest
Performance Metrics
Debt Per Graduate$42K
Interest Accumulated$128K
Years to Payoff∞
Credit Scores Ruined47M
This division is a registered subsidiary of Hell Holdings, LLC. All profits flow upward. All suffering flows downward. This is just how the free market was optimized.