Felicity F. Burnside

Felicity F. Burnside

Chief Customer Experience Officer

"The customer is always right. Except when they want compensation."

Annual Compensation$18M
Estimated Human CostMental anguish

Corporate Feats

  • ▸Reduced customer service staffing to near zero while doubling call wait times
  • ▸Created the most frustrating automated phone systems in existence
  • ▸Pioneered 'retention specialists' trained specifically to deny refunds
  • ▸Achieved 0% customer satisfaction improvement while claiming 'progress'

Documented Injustices

  • ✗Designed products with known defects and then denied all warranty claims
  • ✗Collected payments from customers for products intentionally never delivered
  • ✗Sold customer data to scammers after promising 'complete privacy'

Notice: This executive's actions are fully protected under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, Section 404, and the Supreme Court decision Citizens United v. FEC (2010). No personal liability has ever been assessed or will ever be tolerated.