EXCLUSIVE: Internal Memo Reveals Company 'Prayer Rooms' Are Actually Union Surveillance Stations
A leaked internal memo from Satanic Enterprises' Human Resources department has revealed that the company's much-publicized 'inclusive prayer rooms' are actually equipped with hidden cameras, microphones, and biometric sensors designed to identify employees who might be organizing unions. The memo, titled 'Re: Prayer Room Optimizations (CONFIDENTIAL),' details how the rooms were designed by the same firm that built 'enhanced interrogation facilities' and explicitly states that 'contemplative states increase vulnerability to suggestion.' Employees who used the prayer rooms reported feeling 'strangely optimistic about their unionization rights' afterward, which HR attributes to 'the power of prayer.'
"We believe in religious freedom. That's why we created a space where employees can pray to whatever god they want, as long as that god approves of at-will employment."
— Prudence J. Penumbra, Chief Diversity Officer
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