DEVELOPING: CEO Reveals Secret Code Name for Cost-Cutting Initiatives is 'Project: Replace Everyone With Robots'
During an off-the-record dinner with journalists (that was very much on the record), Lord Malfeasance McStock accidentally revealed that the company's ongoing 'efficiency optimization' program has a much more honest internal name: 'Project: Replace Everyone With Robots.' When asked about the revelation, McStock reportedly said, 'What? Did I say that out loud? I mean, technically correct. The robots don't need healthcare, don't unionize, and never complain about 'work-life balance.' They're model employees. Except they also don't produce anything, but that's a later phase.' The company has since released a statement calling the revelation 'a misunderstood joke about our genuinely excellent automation of joy.'
"Robots don't need overtime pay, lunch breaks, or human dignity. They're basically perfect employees except for the part where they're expensive to maintain. Phase 2 fixes that."
— Lord Malfeasance McStock, CEO
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